Journal entry from day 12. Original date: 1.12.10.

It's funny what a difference 2 days can make. On day 10 I was saying things to myself like: Woo hoo- it's already Day 10!!! Double digits, baby! This is going by faster than I thought! Now today, on day 12, I'm having thoughts like: Ugh... is it really ONLY day 12? Eighty-nine more days to go is sooooo much. What have I gotten myself into???

Right now it's hard to forget what day it is because it's still January and the challenge began on the first of the month. However, I hope once February hits I will maybe start to lose track a little. Fixating on the numbers is not a good thing. The point is to make practice a part of my daily life. I do things like brush my teeth every day, but I don’t think about for how many days in a row I have done that or how many days I have left to do it. That would be silly. It’s just a part of life and so I do it. That’s what needs to happen here. (Definitely still celebrating the milestones along the way though- day 30, day 60, day 90.)

Also, Charlie was telling me that I need to stop judging my classes. He’s right of course, but that’s much easier said than done. I haven't figured out how to mentally get around it yet. If I feel great and notice progress I don’t know how not to think of that as a good class. If I feel miserable and am struggling I don’t know how not to think of that as a bad class. Hmmm…

I guess it mostly has to do with adjusting my attitude about the “bad” classes. Just going to class in and of itself is a good thing, I know. Also, to sometimes struggle is good. Struggling means something is happening. That’s where the “work” is getting done. If it were easy all the time there would be no point in doing it.

Well, I knew this would be as much a mental challenge as a physical one. And actually, I now know it is more mental than anything. So this is the type of thinking I've got to fix. Maybe it will happen in the next 89 days, but maybe not... it's a lifetime practice.


  1. "The more your struggle, you must be happy! You are getting more benefit from my class." - Bikram.

    Is a good class one where you have an easy time, or one where you get the most benefits for your body?

    It's a tricky little paradigm shift. :-)

  2. yes, yes it is tricky! since the start of my practice, and even in the time since i wrote this in my journal, my views of "good" and "bad" are changing. i don't want to feel like class was easy... i just love feeling like i'm making progress. going further and deeper into postures really excites and motivates me. struggling to maintain what i know i can do kind of bums me out. but basically, i'm now trying to think of ALL classes as good. The classes where i struggle are necessary, and the classes where i realize a little progress are a sort of bonus. Because i know that even if i never made any progress, struggling with it for the rest of my life would still be better than not doing it.